So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
