It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize