I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish I only lived at night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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