It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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