You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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