these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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