There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
