high people should be assigned attendants
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
