I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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