i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How does one acquire holy water?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
