I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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