this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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