I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
