My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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