he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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