she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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