how can u be prego again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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