she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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