I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you bring me the toilet please
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
