So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
