I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
