did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This baby is an asshole
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
