Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
