i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
