i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I stole a fireplace last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
