i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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