I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
