apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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