Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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