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I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
