ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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