Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize