At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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