addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
