The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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