the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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