but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
