He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
