I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
