when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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