Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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