yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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