He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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