that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
