im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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