God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
