Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
