the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
