Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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