Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
