So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
