she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
