Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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