so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
