Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
