If you die in college, do you die in real life?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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