I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
