The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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