What a fucking waste of an outfit
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
