You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
