I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
