His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
