my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
