You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
