i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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