I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
