Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
