You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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