My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
