i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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