She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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