Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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