He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize