The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
